She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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