I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
