Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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