we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
