u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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