Screwed.edu
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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