i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize