You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think i got beer on your cat.
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