I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize