I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
