Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
