You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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