So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dicks are not precious.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
