Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
