i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
as a side note pls kill me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
