I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
