I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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