goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
