it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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