So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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