It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
