Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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