he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have aggressive nipples.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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