She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
