I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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