I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
