dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
