dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
