I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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