I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
