I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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