Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
