dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize