Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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