so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
