When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Shame - the story of my life.
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