I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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