Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
