the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
