why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
