So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
