The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
