Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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