Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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