What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
