A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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