thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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