If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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