So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
