You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
