Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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