apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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