All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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