remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize