I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
