whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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