I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
