I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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