we're chasing vodka with high fives
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
