bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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