I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
