My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
