So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
