so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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