So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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