I wish I only lived at night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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