I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
