I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
the liver wants what the liver wants
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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