you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
