Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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