My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
