sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
