If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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