Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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