UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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