im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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