i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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