WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
