I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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